Good-bye, mai

Phew!  It's over!

May is a beautiful month.  The beginning of summer.  The cold of winter is gone.  It's the end of the school year but the pressure has not started to build.  It is a time to make plans and see friends.  Thanks to a long weekend, it's even a chance to travel.

Despite the positives of May, I've often had a hard time with this month.  It is my personal month of sadness.  Of spiraling into an abyss of darkness and anxiety.  Don't think I dive into this pool, oh no.  I put the brakes on while screaming.

In the past, there have been big changes on the horizon, for which I accredited my dark moods.  This year is nothing but happiness.  No big changes, just exciting events to look forward to.

So why the darkness?  I do not know.  I have no idea whatsoever.  I hate the anxiety, the tension and the insecurity.  I searched for a reason and there was none.  There was absolutely nothing wrong in any aspect of my life to suggest that I should be anxious or worried.  Yet I was.

But I made it through and I'm still a happy person.  I pray that with the beginning of June begins a busy, BUSY time. My brain will not be left to it's own devices.

So far, so good.