3 posts tagged “anxiety”

When the opportunity arose to purchase Rider tickets, I looked into it.  When I found out that the seats were  being sold at face value, I jumped at the chance!  After all, it's not everyday that the Roughriders host the Western Final.  In fact, this has never before happened in my lifetime.  As I told Jason, the next time this happens, we will probably be telling our grandchildren how we went to the game oh so many years ago. 

*** Please note, children, let alone grand children, are a long ways off.***

Unfortunately, the day did not start off so well.  The stress of my life has ben affecting me rather harshly as of late.  It seems that the accumulated stress of the constant action in my life has crept up on me.  As of last weekend, most of the action was done.  All week I had trouble sleeping and the busy activity of my life is the only explanation I've got.  As well, I've been getting very nervous, very easily.  Our day had been very busy.  The schedule was tight.  I was in a tizzy to get from place to place on time.

Despite my nerves, things were going well.  Then I left the tickets out of town at Jason's mom's house.  Time to freak out!  We were supposed to go and work out before the game.  I sent Jason to work out and I went to get the tickets.  Luckily, out of town is not that far.  It took me a while, but I got the tickets.  I picked Jason up much later than he was expecting.  A little bit later than I was expecting, but what can you do?  Obviously, we were in great moods as we walked towards Taylor Field in time to miss the kick-off.

In any case, we were standing in front of our seats at the opening kick off.  Phew.  We made it.  And look at that!  55 yard line!  Perfect view of every corner of the field.  Thank you my cousin!  We were clearly sitting in season ticket territory.  The age of those sitting around us, as well as the lack of beer, confirmed my suspicions.  The man sitting beside me looked normal enough, but he had the voice of a serial killer.  Low, crackly, he held the ends of his words a very long time.  While the chilly temperatures made me glad that seating was 'cozy', Mr. Serial Killer did sort of give me the willies. 

The first quarter was stressful!  All week, I heard speculations that if the Riders could take it in the first quarter, they'd have the Stamps beat.  Well, all I saw were Burris's perfect passes to Joffery Reynolds for first down after first down.  Thank goodness for penalty calls or I'm sure we would not be going to the Grey Cup!  Yes, I say we, because we are a team of a million.  12 players on the field, the rest in cold seats or arm chairs around the country. After the Riders tied it up,  the rest of the game is foggy.  I just remember thinking "Oh Good!"  Oh Good!"  as more and more good plays were completed.  At 2:47 left in the fourth quarter, I turned to Jason and asked if it were possible for the Stamps to get 16 points in order to tie it.  Given that he is wonderful, but not a fortune teller, he just shrugged his shoulders.  And the Stamps got a touch down.  Gah!  But the Riders held it together.  They blocked a 2-point convert and then a field goal attempt.  Phew.  They were passing out the hats at the 1:00 minute mark but I did not relax until 0:10 :)

So that's it.  We won, the Serial Killer didn't get me, I didn't freeze my butt off and I'll be glued to the television with my fellow green bloods next weekend! 

Alternate title:  There was a Mouse in my House!

My feelings about animals are so confusing.  I care for them, but I dislike them.  I don't like to think of any living creature suffering.  At the same time, I'm nervous around most animals.  Very few people have pets that don't make me want to run into another room and shut the door.  Then there are the animals that are supposed to stay outside.  If only that poor little mouse had stayed outside.  He would have been much better off.

So Monday morning, I was eating breakfast in my kitchen when I saw a mouse run across my living room floor!  EEK!  I have a half second delay on my scream.  Have you ever heard me scream?  Not yell, but scream?  It is loud.  I couldn't deal with the problem, so I got out of my house as fast as I could.

I told myself pleasant mouse stories all day.  Mickey.  Ratatouille.  The Rats of Nimh.  Yes, I know the last two are rats. Close enough.  I told all sorts of people.  It seems that this is a common thing to have in your house. 

Still, I avoided going home.  But I did.  And I avoided moving away from the door.  Then I heard a noise!  Oh wait, that was just my bag.  Then I heard another noise!  It's the mouse behind the stove!  It really was!  Eeek!   I screamed.  My poor H1N1 bed ridden roommate.  Here I am, screaming and he cannot sleep.  I checked the trap.  There was no trap!  I listened a little more.  The mouse was definitely behind the stove and definitely somehow attached to the trap.  Agh!  So, I was scared of the mouse but also revolted by the fact that it must be in pain, caught in the trap but still alive and moving around. 

I spent some time putting everything in my pantry into plastic mouse-proof containers.  The food is and remains, mouse proof.    I was already to be brave and deal with the mouse when I saw the trap on the other side of the stove - empty!  I screamed again.  For both my sanity and my roommate, I left.  Like he needed me screaming all night!

Long story short, the next morning my parents killed the mouse.  Poor little mouse.  Thank you parents.  I know, it's pathetic that I can't deal with animals or death.  As well, if Jason thinks that he will ever hear this story, he will just have to read it on the blog (which he will not do)  because I will never, ever tell him.  He would be very disgusted with me.  He doesn't understand my fear of animals.  Infact, he thinks that one day I will have a cat.  Ha!  I'd rather have a mouse.

Phew!  It's over!

May is a beautiful month.  The beginning of summer.  The cold of winter is gone.  It's the end of the school year but the pressure has not started to build.  It is a time to make plans and see friends.  Thanks to a long weekend, it's even a chance to travel.

Despite the positives of May, I've often had a hard time with this month.  It is my personal month of sadness.  Of spiraling into an abyss of darkness and anxiety.  Don't think I dive into this pool, oh no.  I put the brakes on while screaming.

In the past, there have been big changes on the horizon, for which I accredited my dark moods.  This year is nothing but happiness.  No big changes, just exciting events to look forward to.

So why the darkness?  I do not know.  I have no idea whatsoever.  I hate the anxiety, the tension and the insecurity.  I searched for a reason and there was none.  There was absolutely nothing wrong in any aspect of my life to suggest that I should be anxious or worried.  Yet I was.

But I made it through and I'm still a happy person.  I pray that with the beginning of June begins a busy, BUSY time. My brain will not be left to it's own devices.

So far, so good.