2 posts tagged “anxiety”

Alternate title:  There was a Mouse in my House!

My feelings about animals are so confusing.  I care for them, but I dislike them.  I don't like to think of any living creature suffering.  At the same time, I'm nervous around most animals.  Very few people have pets that don't make me want to run into another room and shut the door.  Then there are the animals that are supposed to stay outside.  If only that poor little mouse had stayed outside.  He would have been much better off.

So Monday morning, I was eating breakfast in my kitchen when I saw a mouse run across my living room floor!  EEK!  I have a half second delay on my scream.  Have you ever heard me scream?  Not yell, but scream?  It is loud.  I couldn't deal with the problem, so I got out of my house as fast as I could.

I told myself pleasant mouse stories all day.  Mickey.  Ratatouille.  The Rats of Nimh.  Yes, I know the last two are rats. Close enough.  I told all sorts of people.  It seems that this is a common thing to have in your house. 

Still, I avoided going home.  But I did.  And I avoided moving away from the door.  Then I heard a noise!  Oh wait, that was just my bag.  Then I heard another noise!  It's the mouse behind the stove!  It really was!  Eeek!   I screamed.  My poor H1N1 bed ridden roommate.  Here I am, screaming and he cannot sleep.  I checked the trap.  There was no trap!  I listened a little more.  The mouse was definitely behind the stove and definitely somehow attached to the trap.  Agh!  So, I was scared of the mouse but also revolted by the fact that it must be in pain, caught in the trap but still alive and moving around. 

I spent some time putting everything in my pantry into plastic mouse-proof containers.  The food is and remains, mouse proof.    I was already to be brave and deal with the mouse when I saw the trap on the other side of the stove - empty!  I screamed again.  For both my sanity and my roommate, I left.  Like he needed me screaming all night!

Long story short, the next morning my parents killed the mouse.  Poor little mouse.  Thank you parents.  I know, it's pathetic that I can't deal with animals or death.  As well, if Jason thinks that he will ever hear this story, he will just have to read it on the blog (which he will not do)  because I will never, ever tell him.  He would be very disgusted with me.  He doesn't understand my fear of animals.  Infact, he thinks that one day I will have a cat.  Ha!  I'd rather have a mouse.

Phew!  It's over!

May is a beautiful month.  The beginning of summer.  The cold of winter is gone.  It's the end of the school year but the pressure has not started to build.  It is a time to make plans and see friends.  Thanks to a long weekend, it's even a chance to travel.

Despite the positives of May, I've often had a hard time with this month.  It is my personal month of sadness.  Of spiraling into an abyss of darkness and anxiety.  Don't think I dive into this pool, oh no.  I put the brakes on while screaming.

In the past, there have been big changes on the horizon, for which I accredited my dark moods.  This year is nothing but happiness.  No big changes, just exciting events to look forward to.

So why the darkness?  I do not know.  I have no idea whatsoever.  I hate the anxiety, the tension and the insecurity.  I searched for a reason and there was none.  There was absolutely nothing wrong in any aspect of my life to suggest that I should be anxious or worried.  Yet I was.

But I made it through and I'm still a happy person.  I pray that with the beginning of June begins a busy, BUSY time. My brain will not be left to it's own devices.

So far, so good.